BORACAY...yeah baby yeah!!!!

Today will be the last day of hell for me...for tomorrow i'll go to BORACAY!!!! It is considered as the summer beach capital in the Philippines...Known for its white sands, clear water and of course..an exciting and fun night life! I'll be staying there for 4 days and 3 nights...I'll be leaving all my problems in Manila and i'll think of nothing but the beach!


Hmmm...well actually it'll be my first time to Boracay that's the reason why I am so damn excited. I feel like a little girl who wants to open her gift under the christmas tree. After encountering so many problems and sadness i think i deserve to have a break and leave them all away..even for just 4 days..


Ha! See that picture??? Clear water...i think i'll go snorkeling...i want to see fishes and coral reefs...hopefully, there will be no sharks...hehehe...after that, i'll go sun bathing, i dont care if my skin would get dark, the hell with white skin! now is the right time to have a sun tan, hahaha...and then i think i'll have a massage...and then i'll relax in the late afternoon to prepare myself for non-stop night life! beer, booze, music, dancing, whatever. man! i can't get over my excitement!

Injured but so excited for my holiday!

I was injured since Saturday and it all started with a vein..I was on my way to Makati for their midnight sale when I observed that there's "ipit na ugat" on my right wrist. Thinking that it was only a small injury, I just shrugged the pain and didn't do nothing at all..when I woke up the next day, Man! it was swollen and it hurt like hell! (not that I've been to hell take note), every minute movement hurts my wrist and I have to swear all day. I didn't ask my maid to massage it (to relieve the tension on my vein) because I know that it would swell...unfortunately, even if I didn't touch it, it would have the same effect...arrgh! I have been doing my work and personal activities using one hand! even typing (imagine typing a blog for an hour!!!!)

The problem is, my boss from Malaysia will be visiting to settle some issues with our client and I have to drive them around Makati and Lipa Batangas! I have to drive using my left hand! Thank God for automatic cars!! I am hoping they will show pity and let me off for 2 days, hehe...how I wish!

I have to manage my time as I have an assignment at accounting, and then i have to drive my bosses around, and I have to pack my things for my summer get-away...in BORACAY!!!! yahoo!!!

The only thing that keeps me going is Boracay! I'm so excited, I shopped for my beach wear, a two- piece bathing suit and a tankini...Well, i'm not sexy but there's a saying...NO GUTS NO GLORY! It'll be only 4 days and 3 nights and no one knows me there so...it's two-piece bathing suit for me, hahaha, of course i have to wear a sando or anything to hide my tummy...


Of course my body is not like the picture above (how I wish!!!) but ill be wearing that kind of two-piece suit, hihihi...I'm really excited because it is my first time to go there and I think the night life there is so much fun...i won't be thinking of guys first, i'll just make sure that i'll enjoy my stay there (yeah, right..whatever!)

20 something crisis

I remember reading a forwarded email regarding the "20 something crisis" or I simply call it the "yuppie crisis". This is what's happening to me right now. I have a high paying job but I am still not happy with the way things are going...

First, I am not happy with my colleague. As a friend, she is really great. Hands up to her. But as a supervisor, I do not like the way she runs things in the office. Her idea of being a supervisor is to give ALL her work to me. I'm a sales executive, secretary, messenger, name it I do it all. I even ran errands for her personal stuff! Pay her credit cards and all. Yes I know partly I am to blame because I can not say NO to her.

I am still trying to look for another company but luck is not with me. I am qualified but they can not match my existing compensation package! My sister tells me to be patient but I really wanted to resigned from this company. I wouldn't want to resign if there's no replacement work yet though.

I feel alone as my apparently so-called true friends is not what they seem to be...true. One of my best friends picked a guy over me! After what I have done to her, proving that I am a true friend to her. Its not because I'm making "sumbat" or anything, its just that when I needed her most, she was not there for me. When she was dumped by her boyfriend before she delivered her baby, I was there beside her bed. I was there when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Maybe it depends on the individual if she prioritizes friends over guys. I for one give more importance to my friends and family over guys. Family and friends are always there for me but for guys...they come and go. They were only there during my happy moments but for my darkest days, my friends were always there.

Last year, my ex-boyfriend cheated on me. I gave him my life, my time, everything...because I was serious with him...as a return, he cheated behind my back...It's really hard for me, until now I have not moved on..My brain tells me that I'm moving on with my life but my heart screams out that I still love him in spite of what he did to me. There were nights where I desperately wanted to call him and beg him to come back but it was a good thing that pride always takes over. I am 27 years old and as much as possible, I want my next relationship to be the last one. Every time I see young couples with babies, I really can't help but to secretly cry. I'm jealous because they are happy..I am in the right age to marry. I even pictured my ex-boyfriend to be the father of my children...As usual, luck is not on my side...

Every night I ask myself if I would be able to surpass all this. I always ask myself if I am strong enough to deal with this. Come to think of it, its not a big problem really compared to the less fortunate people but I feel like the weight of the world is on me..My faith is being questioned now. Do I have a strong relationship with the Lord? If I have faith in Him, why am I questioning what's been happening to me? It came to a point that I was angry with Him and I hate myself for that.

Sometimes I wish that the earth would swallow me whole so I could forget about my problems..Sometimes I wish I could be in an accident and I would be comatose for a month so I could just lay down in bed thinking about nothing..If I only have money so I could get out of the country and leave everything behind...I'm thinking and wishing about all these because I AM A FUCKING COWARD!!!

1 March 2007 - Mind in Turmoil

I've been to hell and back these past few months...I can be compared to the "Baudelaire kids" because I have experienced a series of unfortunate events...My mind is in turmoil right now, I don't know if I'm experiencing mid-life crisis, what the hell?! I'm only on my mid-20's.

I am PRESSURED and STRESSED OUT with my work. I have a high-paying job but I'm not happy. I'm REALLY trying to look for another company but they can not match my existing compensation package! I'm a College graduate with MBA units...I am qualified but competition is so tough...Sometimes, I want to put the blame on our economy, if the economy is not terrible then a lot of companies will invest here, therefore, a lot of job vacancies.I'm so sick and tired of my work...***sigh***

My lovelife SUCKS bigtime! I just broke up with my deceitful ex-boyfriend who cheated on me. May he and his girl ROT IN HELL for all I care!

Why do I feel like hell??? I feel that I'm the blacksheep in my family..My sister's career is sky-rocketing high! And I am here at the bottom, still waiting for the right opportunity to pass by..My friends...I realized that some of them were just using me...

I feel so alone...How I wish I could have peace of mind, even just for 5 minutes! Well, I would appreciate it if it's more than 5 minutes...Sometimes, I want to retreat to a very secluded beach, where no one knows me and no one can find me...Just lie on the sand, drink margaritas, watch the sunset, listen to musice..I can do whatever I want, I can flirt with anyone, I can be myself...whatever!