I am NUMB

There are a lot of things going in my mind right now:

1. My sister is leaving for the US and I am deeply affected. I am dependent with my sister. I would always ask her opinion if I want to buy things for myself, If I want to get a haircut, about my career...All the things that's going on with my life right now, she knows about it. She is my confidant. And she would leave me. I don't want to be selfish because I know that this is what she wants. And right now, I am really trying hard to accept the fact that she is leaving.

2. My "pasaway" boyfriend is giving me a hard time all the time. I like him a lot and I don't want to give up easily in this so-called relationship.

3. I still need to generate income for my next term's tuition fee for my masteral studies. I don't want to ask money from my parents because it my decision to study again so I have to deal with this on my own. If only I look like a Paris Hilton and I would have lots of rich boyfriend...I would ask them to support my masteral studies...hehehehe...tsktsk

4. I need new clients right now to impress my boss!!!!! It is really frustrating because it is really hard to schedule an appointment with a client. DAMN those purchasers!!!! They are really a pain in the ass!

Men I really need a break right now...

I think I love him and I hate it

Happy birthday to my special someone...

I just got back from a special night with a special someone. It is his birthday today and we waited for 12am so I could be the first one to greet him and be with him on his 29th birthday.

I got him a white shirt from Nautica (which fits perfectly on him by the way) and a perfume from Polo (Romance Silver - it smells soooo good!)...and I can tell that he sincerely liked my gift...whew!

We waited for his birthday just cuddling and hugging each other..This is one of those times wherein you want the time to literally stop so you could spend more time with your special someone..I am not inlove with him yet because I know that it is really too early to be inlove with him..But I really like him..We both came from a bad relationship and I am willing to take that risk again if he's also willing to do that..I just wish that he would be ready to commit.

All I know is that I'm happy this very moment..I don't want to think about any complications..I just want to be happy even for a short span of time..

I am ecstatic!

I have so many things to be ecstatic today:

1. I have already recovered from 4 days of flu. I was bedridden totally. I did nothing but sleep the whole day. It was so boring.

2. I have my period. No explanations needed. Just congratulate me. God is good.

3. My first day of class for Finman and my crush sat beside me and we were giggling the whole time while the professor was doing some explanations on the subject (i'm taking up masteral studies). Take note, I am already 27 years old, I think I'm too old to have a giggly moment with my crush. It was a different feeling. It was like I was taken back to my highschool days. Whenever his skin brushes into mine, there was electricity! I didn't know it could really happen! And I didn't even have any lust ideas or feelings that time (knowing myself, if I like a guy, I would undress him with my eyes), it was PURE CRUSH. Gosh! I feel like a teenager right now!

Another thing that amazed me tonight: I was torpe with this particular guy. Usually, I will let my charms do the talking. I am not really shy when I'm talking to guys. But with him, I was like smiling coyly while he crack some lame jokes. Even if it was lame, I smiled. And not just a polite smile, but a genuine smile. Gosh! the effect of this guy on me. And while in class, he was in his navy uniform. How I love guys in uniforms!

Its already 12:30am and I'm still hyper. Nothing can piss me off tonight.

PMS

Pre-Menstrual Symptoms....

Depression, frustration, moody, mainit ang ulo, masakit ang puson, always craving for food, sensitive...lahat na lang nafe-feel ko ngayon, and it is not good...

Actually, I'm drowning with my own sadness...alam mo yung feeling na sa sobrang kalungkutan para kang nalulunod at gusto mo lang makahinga? I always dream of falling in a dark bottomless pit and I hate it, everytime I wake up, I always gulp for fresh air. That's what I'm feeling right now.

Ang naiisip ko ngayon is yung ginawa sa kin ng ex ko. He cheated behind my back. I trusted him, and he cheated me. Dati kapag may gusto akong lalaki and malalaman ko na may gf siya, sasabihin ko lang sa mga friends ko "GF lang pala eh". Now that I have experienced it, na sobrang sakit ng iwanan ka at magmukha kang tanga, I give my respect to those current girlfriends out there. Mahirap bantayan ang taong mahal mo. Hindi mo naman pwedeng ikulong na lang sila sa luob ng bahay or lagyan ng harang yung mata nila para hindi sila makakatingin sa ibang babae. Tama nga yung kasabihan na "If you love a person, set him/her free", kung mahal ka talaga nya, babalik siya sayo.

It's been a year and I can't seem to move on...Damn! gusto ko na mag-move on. Actually, I never even asked my ex what really happened. He only told me that he met a girl and I never asked him to explain what happened. I really do not want to know. Makaka-move on kaya ako if ever nalaman ko yung buong story? Ang sakit-sakit magmahal. Call me melodramatic, I really don't care. It's traumatic. Parang ayoko ng magmahal pa kung lolokohin din lang naman ako.

Damn! how I really hate PMS..

Harry Potter Book 7

I am done reading JK Rowling's Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and I can say that the book was well written...there's suspense, drama and a little bit of comedy, I am quite sure that the person who is reading the book will be totally engrossed with the story. I am a fan of Harry Potter (but not the obsessed type), I opt to read the book rather than watch the movie...Whenever there's a new book released, I usually read the last book first and then I proceed with the recent book so as to refresh my memory. Anyway, here are my comments on the storyline:

1. What happened with the Dursleys? - Yeah I know they are not the good guys here but of course the readers would also like to know where they headed and what happened to them after they disapparated with Dedalus Diggle, right?

2. What happened with the other Death Eaters after Harry defeated Voldemort? - The author should have mentioned something about the future of the Death Eaters after Harry defeated Voldemort. Where they thrown back to Azkaban? Did they disapparated and migrated to other countries to avoid the Ministry of Magic or whatever. The author should have elaborated a little bit more with the Malfoy's..Narcissa, in a way helped Harry because she wanted to know whether Draco is still alive and still inside Hogwarts.

3. James and Lily Potter - on the last book of the HP series, the author should have mentioned about Harry's parents, what they did for living, what they did for the Order or whatever before Voldemort killed them..Just like when Harry read his mother's letter to Sirius, it was a "proof that Lily existed".

4. What happened to Hogwarts, Ministry of Magic, Azkaban, etc - What happened to these places after Voldemort was killed? The author just fast forwarded the story after 19 years...I was left hanging there really..

5. The story was fast forwarded way too long (19 years to be exact). What happened to Harry-Ginny lovestory? When did they came back together? How bout Ron & Hermione? It was mentioned on the previous books that there was this romantic tension between this 2 characters. It was mentioned on the 7th book that Hermione kissed Ron because Ron mentioned something about the house-elves wherein Hermione was happy about it. AND THAT WAS IT. I mean the author should have spiced up the story a little bit right?

6. What happened with the Weasleys? - What happened with Harry's 2nd family? I think it was Fred who died while fighting the death eaters, what happened with the rest of the Weasleys (Charlie, Bill, and Percy)?

7. Right after Voldemort was defeated, what happened to Harry? Did he finished his schooling at Hogwarts? What was his job after Hogwarts, that is, if he finished his 7th year? Did he became an Auror? As a fan of Harry, I would also like to know what happened to him right after his victory. I want details about his wedding with Ginny..

Those were just my questions about the 7th book...In general I LOVE THE BOOK...I've been reading the 7th book again so I could relish Harry's memory...

Well, that's about it for the mean time..

SE weekend

Last weekend, I went on a retreat with a friend, its a singles encounter actually..well, that's the first retreat that came across that's why we grabbed the chance..

At first I find it really corny with all the singing (with matching hands raising to praise Him) and the dancing...don't get me wrong, I am a Catholic, I went to a Catholic school eversince my elementary days so I'm used to having retreats...but not this kind of retreat...I guess they catered it to the youth that's why there a lot of singing and dancing to keep our eyes open..sometimes retreat can be very boring if your heart is not into it.S



Anyway, our group, SE13 (batch 13) is really big, I think we are around 60+ pax! I was shy during that weekend, according to my batchmate...we are on an INTROVERT MODE...During that time I find it hard to mingle with my batchmates, my sales skills were not working believe me...I was the demure type (if my friends saw me that weekend, for sure they will laugh their hearts out)...



There were a lot of singing and praising and dancing...a lot of group activities. I thought I would be able to relax a little bit but I was dead wrong! We were required to wake up around 5:30am and we'll finish around 1:00am...My brain was not working that weekend...Saturday morning, i woke up around 5:30am and we sang praise to the Lord around 6am! So I felt like someone placed a loud song in my ears to wake me up! I felt irritated actually...I was not irritated that I was praising the Lord, I was pissed off because it was so noisy..hehehe...

On our last day, there was an activity wherein we will be annointed by the elders...and that's where I lost control of my emotions and I cried...I guess I let out all the feelings that I have kept in my heart for a very long time...All the hurt and the pain, all I've went through these past few months...I asked Him to take it all away from me...and believe me HE DID. Coincidence? I don't think so...I've been wanting to go to a retreat since last year and I've been procrastinating about it for a very long time...He really did make a way for me to make ammends with Him...Okay, I know it's corny talking about this kind of stuff...but I'm not ashamed, I just want to share my experience that weekend...It was really great...PLUS I made some new friends and new yosi buddies...hehehe